I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're so committed to being not committed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
