Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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