I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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