i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he thought i was a dude.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
