i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
