You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
