I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
