nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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