Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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