you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
