Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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