i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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