Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
