I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
