I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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