The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
