I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
