Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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