We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
