I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
