im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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