I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
