brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
