An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
