i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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