so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
