i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
