She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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