we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
