I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
