I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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