Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
