I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
