If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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