omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
