The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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