I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
