Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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