Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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