I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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