hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
