But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
