I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
