my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
