She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
