I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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