Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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