i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
