im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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