the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
