It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
