So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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