yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
