I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize