I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
