Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sober January is a disaster.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
