I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
