physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
