dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
