What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
