My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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