so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize