I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
