I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
