if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got inside last night via doggy door
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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